what a night.

So, Mike came over earlier tonight to console me after the breakup. I didn't need much consoling, to be honest. I had emotionally moved on long before we actually ended it. I think Mike might have known this, but he pretended he didn't so he could have an excuse to visit.

We sat around for a little while, watched a movie on TV, talked and laughed and caught up on old news that we never filled each other in on. The attraction between us had obviously grown from something on a purely physical level to include an emotional/mental one as well. It was so surreal that I was both getting along with and attracted to someone this much. It was almost entirely different from the kind of relationship I had with X.

It was getting late, and I knew he eventually had to leave. I wasn't sure how much more I could be around him without possibly doing something I might regret. Despite having had a boyfriend, it had been months since I was last intimate with a man, and this man in particular was way too hard to resist. It was like waving a juicy steak in front of someone who had been starved for years.

As I got up to lead him to the door, Mike (gently) grabbed my wrist and playfully wrestled me to the couch. He had me cornered. His face was so close I could almost touch him with my eyelashes. I could feel his warm arms around my back and shoulders. He looked at me intensely for a few seconds with those big, hazel eyes and planted a small, soft kiss on my lips. It was definitely like a scene from a movie.

I held my breath - it had been so long since I had felt this way with someone, anyone. I wanted so badly to kiss back, but I knew I should wait. It was too soon, way too soon. Instead, I savored it. Closed my eyes and played it back over and over again, even though it was already over. He looked apologetic, and began to draw back.

His only words: "Can you blame me?"

I couldn't. I wanted it just as badly.

Since he left I've been so flustered. I feel like I'm in high school again, fretting over a silly crush. All the while I keep thinking about what X must be doing/feeling. The realization that I had actually already moved on washed over me. I embraced it.

At this very moment I know I'm going to be okay. I never realized being single could be so much fun.